can or could

Account manager: how to ask for help?

Project manager: could you please…

Copywriter: can you just…

Account manager: really, that’s a bit harsh

Business Director: could you please…

Copywriter: you can see everybody’s personality with one simple question?

IMG_1540.jpg

Advertisements

Jetstar Friday Fare Frenzy newsletter in #sghaze

jetstar sghaze 1

I thought Jetstar was being so cool that she could offer me (and us – people in Singapore suffering from the haze craze) some cheap getaway options this weekend. Seriously, the copy did really nail it and I have never felt this excited scrolling down to find the deals than ever.

jetstar sghaze 2

Disappointingly, the travel dates are only available in a while, mostly from July onwards. I’m inclined to think that most of us are being stuck at home, hiding in an air-coned room and worrying up to how much the PUB bill can shoot this month and of course burning to hear what the Government is about to do next to help the situation. I’m not sure how the majority feel about this but personally I would fancy having a retreat now, rather than paying for one later when my health – the most important asset has probably gone rouge by then 😀

Also, I notice a number of my friends with families are contemplating bringing their kids out of the island for a short break now. So what we need indeed is amazing deals for this immediate weekend, not those in a month 😦

Nah, this doesn’t help Jetstar.

However, to be fair and reasonable, I guess it requires a lot of work to churn out promotions and I’d think it’s almost tricky for the good people in Jetstar to facilitate something like this at the 11th hour.

Well, if there’s something I could recommend to improve the EDM, I would tackle the copy. Suggestion below, but bear in mind I’m not a professional copywriter. Do not take my words at the face value. I’m only trying to tweak the angle a little bit and try to manage the expectation of consumers who resonate with my thoughts. #isolvemyownproblem

Hi Jenny,

We know the haze is making your days unpleasant. You can’t vacuum the haze away and you feel trapped indoors, like forever. We are all in this together. While we at Jetstar are hoping the haze will go away at the soonest and doing whatever we can, the least that we can offer you is some amazing deals that you should check out below.

Why not treating yourself to greener pastures or fresh breeze by the beach? Your health, the most important asset deserves a fresher and cleaner air after putting up so much with the haze. So make sure you don’t miss out on a chance to be rejuvenated. 

There is time like this when the grass is really greener on the other side. Wait no more and get jet off with this week’s Friday Fare Frenzy!

Sale ends 21 June 2013 (6pm SGT), unless sold out prior. Sale may be extended. Sale fare prices quoted below are all one way and in Singapore dollars.

Take care and don’t forget to put your mask on.

From the team at Jetstar.

Okay I was trying my best, hope I have managed to get my point across.

By the way, I personally don’t like “hi there”. When I receive an EDM with “Hi there”, the first thing I think of is whoever developing the newsletter is just lazy to include the name tag or the sender doesn’t really care what my name is or just doesn’t have my name. When someone tells me “Hi there”, the thing that will come to my mind is either “Not me” or “You already forget my name or what?”. Anyways, such a random pet peeve. But I do prefer “Hi Jenny” or “Hey Jenny” though 😀

Take care people.

of imagination-provoking questions #randomthought

The other day when i was hanging out with a group of friends, we were teasing the only boy of the group and everyone was trying to make him reveal his secret girlfriend. I was kind of fed up of pestering already so I just voiced out from the other end of the table: Hey, tell us man, you never know what we can help you. That was followed by an awkward silence. Then one of the girls looked at me and nodded her head: Wow Jenny, your line is powerful. I remember what she said instantly made me wonder: hmm, why powerful? But I guess I was too busy with my chicken rice to ask for an explanation then.

I did something really risky yesterday. I told my friends that it was like finally I have jumped off that cliff, just that I haven’t landed yet so I don’t know whether I would land on my face or on my butt. While I’m still ‘falling’, I can somehow feel the insecurity, the fear, the anxiety, the nerves … all that I guess i haven’t felt for quite a while. It seems that I have just stepped out of my comfort zone to see what life has more to offer than the daily repeated rituals. I then texted Syn Ee and Wendy commented on our conversation.

For 2 pieces of ‘short stories’ I’ve just mentioned, I guess the common thing – also the thing i have contemplated for a while, is how a simple sentence can activate imagination, which then generates some kind of feelings/emotions.

Statements starting with “Can you imagine …”, “How about …”, “You never know …”, “Don’t you see …” spark as a question which usually instantly makes our minds wander. In finding an answer to the question (technically), we run through a jungle of possibilities and for whatever positive/negative that we can see, it renders happy/worrying feelings or other sorts of emotion as a result.

So now I’m thinking of this application on websites or online banners – random thoughts again.

Say, you are to give a punch line to viewers/visitors to grab their attention for your product/service/brand. You can only have 1 line with assumption that 1. visitors/viewers will catch/read your sentence, 2. visitors/viewers have 3 seconds to process what they have read. So to make that 1 line count, the question is would you ask a question that:

a – Triggers the imagination/curiosity, which would probably lead visitors to check out your thing?
E.g.: What does a perfect phone of the new century look like? – Okay, crap, i’m not a copywriter.

OR

b – Tells people in the face that they should check out your thing, which would probably turn off your visitors and turn them away? (Just a side note, you never know how many sadists out there will be turned on by a bold statement).
E.g.: Check out our goddamn awesome iPhone 10 that has just come fresh out of the oven.

I guess there’s no strict formula for this. But I’d like to find out which is preferable and how people usually react to each message.

[typo spotted] Polaris CMS

Hey Polaris!

The Copywriting Infographic

Inline image 1

Src

How to write potent headline copy – David says

Hear what David Ogilvy, the advertising-mad man had to say about writing your headline copy.Inline image 1

img src