say it like you mean it

I spend a lot of time on a daily basis cogitating on things i should do and should not do. I try to find all reasons to justify my decision or just to persuade myself sometimes to address my own skepticism. However, when it comes to saying things out, I’m almost liberal to let go everything. That probably explains why i don’t like talking as i know i can potentially get myself into trouble 😛

Anyways, this brings me to a random thought. As per my observation, people usually refrain from saying certain things for fear of 1. their message/intention gets misinterpreted and 2. their message/intention will lead to a negative reaction.

Thing is:

  1. It’s not the speaker’s fault when the message is misinterpreted
  2. How on earth can you always predict reaction, like always and always? Well, technically you can manage expectation and reaction but let’s not discuss that now.

communication modelSrc

Above is a simple universal communication model i just grabbed from Google search. I don’t mean to be academic so this is just to help me elaborate my point coming.

Apparently, the loss of meaning happens when the message has already transmitted (read: what has been said has already been said) and it is not in the control of the speaker once the message is out (read: what to do?). One reason that leads to loss of meaning/misinterpretation is the physical ‘noise’/interference of the environment, auditory and visually. Typo/spelling error/grammar error included. (E.g.: message sent: a pen is a tool, message received: a penis a tool *slap). Another reason is everybody’s mindset is developed uniquely which is the result of individual upbringing, background, personal experience, social influence and the list goes on, so you can’t expect the listener to have a brain that works like yours and processes that message in its absolute meaning that matches exactly to what you want to convey.

Side story: last year I got myself into a drama of miscommunication where my comment on one thing was taken seriously on another. It was so #dramabanana that I remember going through an emotion ride of 1. Confused for not understanding what the hell was happening, 2. Pissed for knowing that my comments were misunderstood, 3. Annoyed for being taken as being insensitive, 4. Tired of explaining myself, 5. Angry with the whole thing, 6. Upset with the thought: I’ve been being unconditionally a good friend to you. How can you turn to me and snap me like we haven’t been going through all the thick and thin and it’s only because you misunderstand my comments which is totally not my fault??! and 7. Awkward when everyone involved was trying to act normal again. Anyways…

Long story short: aiyah, just fucking speak your mind!!

Why bother about consequences when you know there are only two:

  1. The message is correctly communicated which is perfect, no further action required from you, the ball is on the listener’s court now to react to your message sent. OR
  2. The message is misinterpreted which I already explain aforementioned that its not the fault of the speaker.

So, you know…

  • If there is something you want to say, say it! And do it in front of whoever you want him/her/them to hear.
  • If there is something you want to know, ask! Don’t guess, don’t assume. There’s no tax on curiosity.
  • If there is something you want to understand, ask until you do. Question fucking everything.
  • If there is something you want to press on, press until it hurts.

Like if you want to know what your crush is doing at 9 pm text him at 9 pm and ask: what are you doing? No need to bug yourself with the thought if he will think “oh this girl is damn into me yeahaha“, “why so kpoh?“, “bo liao?” – really. What he thinks about you out of that question is another story. It’s his problem, not yours, really not yours.

Anyways, I have just been so bloody frank on some pains I’ve had all awhile. I expect my words might have ignited some more discomfort but it’s not my fault if that is resulted from how my message is perceived 😀 At least I have tried to convey my thoughts in the most straightforward possible way, which is good no?

I guess the way I can break down steps of simple communication for me is:

  1. Speak your mind
  2. Yea speak your mind but in a tactical way (including predicting expected reactions)
  3. React on reactions
  4. Get out of the whole communication mess created by 1, 2, 3.
  5. Repeat 1 to 4.

I definitely have things to say about 2, 3 and 4 which I should collect my thoughts and pour them out in another occasion when I have no eye infection and I’m triggered by some incidents.

Till then, have fun off loading thoughts from your overworking head. And if you like me, say it to me already #veryconfident.

Disclaimer: 1. I’m not a communication expert. This is purely my thoughts. I don’t mean to teach/give advice. If you think it makes sense, I’m glad. If you don’t, I don’t care, 2. Try speaking your mind at your own risk, 3. I’m not concerned about how you interpret the intention of this post, 4. I abuse bullet points and if that annoys you, I don’t give a damn, 5. I tend to make spelling and grammar mistakes, mix up ‘you’ and ‘I’ – I will fix as and when I spot the errors or when somebody kindly highlights the errors to me, 6. I am trying to live up to the idea and theory too. Life is not written in the book. If you have to suck on something or practice boot-licking on a regular basis with reason that makes sense to you, I’m not gonna judge you (actually nobody cares), 7. You don’t have to agree with me.

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